What Comes After Healing: Forgiveness, Trauma, and Faith

Trauma can leave more behind than a painful memory. It can leave fear, shame, anger, guilt, and beliefs such as I am unsafe or I am powerless. EMDR therapy can help those emotions and negative beliefs lose their grip — and when that happens, forgiveness, peace, or simply moving forward can become possible in a way it was not before.

Patients sometimes come into my office already understanding exactly what happened to them. They know the relationship was abusive. They know the assault was not their fault. They know the childhood they grew up in was unsafe. They may even understand intellectually that something happened twenty or thirty years ago and that they are no longer in the same situation.

And yet, emotionally, some part of them has never quite gotten the message.

A memory gets activated and suddenly the fear is back. Their chest tightens. Their stomach drops. Anger rises almost instantly. Or an old belief appears with surprising force: I am not safe. I should have stopped it. I cannot trust anyone. I am not good enough. There must be something wrong with me.

This is one of the most important things I have learned in working with trauma. The event can be over while what the person learned from the event is still very much alive.

Trauma Leaves More Than a Memory

Trauma has a way of leaving conclusions behind. A child who was harmed by an adult may eventually come to believe, Something must be wrong with me. Someone who survived an abusive relationship may leave believing, I cannot trust anyone. A person who froze during an assault may spend years thinking, I should have done something.

These are the kinds of conclusions we work with in PTSD and trauma therapy. Those conclusions are rarely deliberate. People do not sit down after a traumatic experience and decide that from now on they are going to believe they are powerless, unsafe, unworthy, or responsible for what happened. The belief develops from the experience, and over time it can become so familiar that the person stops recognizing it as something connected to trauma.

That belief may then begin influencing relationships, work, parenting, confidence, boundaries, and the way the person interprets new experiences. Something happens in the present that touches the old wound, and the emotional reaction seems much larger than the current situation alone would explain.

Sometimes the present has simply found something from the past that never finished healing.

The Event Does Not Change. What You Carry From It Can.

This is one of the reasons I value EMDR therapy in trauma treatment. We are not trying to convince someone that a terrible experience was not terrible, and we are certainly not trying to create a happier version of history.

If you were betrayed, you were betrayed. If someone abused you, what they did was wrong. If someone abandoned you, that happened. If you lost someone important to you, the loss remains real, and grief deserves its own care.

What can change is the meaning that became attached to you because of what happened.

There is a tremendous difference between I was hurt and I was hurt because there is something wrong with me. There is a difference between I could not control what happened then and I am powerless. There is a difference between someone abandoned me and I am unlovable.

The first statement may describe the history accurately. The second may describe what trauma taught the person to believe about themselves.

That distinction matters because the history does not have to change for the belief to change.

When a Negative Belief Starts to Lose Its Grip

One of the most interesting moments in trauma therapy can actually be very quiet. A patient brings up a memory that once produced an immediate emotional or physical reaction, and they wait for the familiar feeling to arrive.

Sometimes it does not.

They still know exactly what happened, but something about the memory feels different. A patient may tell me, I know it happened, but it feels far away now. Someone else may say, I can think about it without getting that feeling in my stomach. Others simply say, almost with surprise, It doesn't bother me the way it used to.

For a memory that may have controlled someone's emotions for ten, twenty, or forty years, those words are not small. This is the shift we are working toward in individual therapy.

The person did not forget. The memory did not disappear. What changed was how much power the memory had over them.

The negative belief can change with it. I am powerless may begin to become I have choices now. I am unsafe may become I am safe now. It was my fault may become I was not responsible for what someone else chose to do. I am damaged may begin to give way to what happened to me is not who I am.

The history remains the same. The person's relationship with that history has changed.

Healing Does Not Mean Pretending It Was Okay

This distinction is especially important because people sometimes hear words such as healing, letting go, or moving forward and assume they are being asked to minimize what happened.

They are not.

A person can heal from betrayal and still decide that someone is no longer trustworthy. They can work through abuse and continue to maintain distance. They can become less angry — and anger that will not settle is often trauma-related — without deciding that the person who harmed them should face no accountability. They can remember an injustice and still believe it was wrong without allowing that injustice to continue occupying the same amount of emotional space in their life.

Healing is not rewriting history for someone else's comfort. It is reaching a point where what happened has less control over what happens next.

That is what I mean when I talk about someone feeling released from trauma. They are not released from the truth of what happened. They are released from having to carry the same emotional burden everywhere they go.

And Then Forgiveness Can Look Different

Forgiveness is where this becomes particularly interesting.

Some people have spent years being told that they need to forgive. For Christian patients and people from other faith traditions, forgiveness may carry even greater meaning because it is connected to their spiritual beliefs, conscience, family, and understanding of their relationship with God.

They may genuinely want to forgive and still find that they cannot seem to get there. They may pray about it, think about it, talk about it, and repeatedly try to make themselves feel differently.

But imagine asking someone to release something while their body still responds as though the injury is happening today. Their mind may know that years have passed while their nervous system still reacts with fear, anger, shame, or panic. They may want to forgive while another part of them still believes, This person destroyed me.

Sometimes the problem is not that a person is unwilling to forgive. Sometimes the wound is still doing the talking.

What Happens When the Wound Gets Quieter?

Clinical Consultation ModelMeridian Behavioral Health • Las Vegas, NV

Now imagine that same memory after much of its emotional charge has changed. The person can remember what happened without immediately being pulled back into the experience of it. They have not excused what happened, and they have not forgotten it, but the belief has moved from They destroyed me toward something closer to They hurt me, but they do not get to decide who I am.

That is a very different place from which to think about forgiveness.

In my clinical experience, this is often when patients begin bringing up forgiveness themselves. It is not because I assigned it as homework or because EMDR told them what decision they should make. Something has simply changed in the amount of emotional weight they are carrying.

For some people, forgiveness follows. For others, what comes is peace. Some reach a place where they no longer need an apology they may never receive. Others realize they can think about the person who hurt them without feeling the same anger, fear, or need to understand why.

The common thread is not forgiveness. The common thread is freedom from being controlled by the injury.

Forgiveness Is Not Reconciliation

Forgiveness is also frequently confused with reconciliation, and I think separating the two can remove an enormous amount of pressure.

Forgiving someone does not automatically mean trusting them again. It does not mean restoring the relationship, allowing them access to your life, removing healthy boundaries, or pretending that what happened was acceptable.

A person can stop carrying anger and still decide that a relationship is over. They can find peace and continue to expect accountability. They can understand someone else's behavior without allowing that behavior back into their life.

Forgiveness does not make an unsafe person safe. Healing does not mean giving someone their old place in your life. Peace and boundaries can exist at the same time.

Why This Matters to So Many People

Forgiveness is not a small or unusual concern in American life. Pew Research Center's 2023–24 Religious Landscape Study found that 62% of U.S. adults identify as Christian and another 7% identify with other religions, meaning roughly seven in ten Americans identify with a religious tradition. And religious affiliation tells only part of the story: 83% of American adults say they believe in God or a universal spirit, and 79% say there is something spiritual beyond the natural world — including many people who do not belong to an organized religion.

Across many of the world's major faith traditions, forgiveness, mercy, compassion, reconciliation, or releasing resentment hold an important place. Christianity speaks directly about forgiveness; Judaism places significant emphasis on repentance, atonement, and forgiveness; and many Native American traditions approach these questions through restoring balance and harmony, treating harm as something the whole community helps carry and repair rather than a burden the injured person shoulders alone. Nevada is home to Paiute, Shoshone, and Washoe peoples, and tribal nations differ widely in belief and practice, so no single description speaks for all of them. The theology is not identical, but the human struggle underneath it often is: What do I do with what someone did to me, and how do I stop carrying it?

That is why this conversation matters in trauma therapy. For many patients, forgiveness is not simply a therapist's idea about moving on. It may be tied to their values, their relationship with God, their family, their community, or the kind of person they want to be. When trauma leaves someone carrying fear, shame, guilt, anger, or a belief such as I am damaged or they destroyed me, the difficulty with forgiveness may be connected to an injury that is still emotionally active. Healing that injury does not tell the person what to believe or what decision to make. It gives them more freedom to make that decision from their values instead of from the wound.

Faith, Forgiveness, and Trauma

For Christian patients, forgiveness can have an additional layer because it may be connected to Scripture and deeply held spiritual values. When someone takes those teachings seriously but continues to feel intense anger, hurt, or fear, they may begin feeling guilty not only about the original trauma but also about their inability to forgive it.

Therapy at Meridian Behavioral Health does not attempt to move someone toward religion or away from it. If faith is important to a patient, it can be part of the work. Scripture, prayer, religious community, and spiritual beliefs can all be meaningful resources when the patient wants them included.

For someone whose faith calls them toward forgiveness, trauma treatment and faith do not necessarily need to compete with each other. Sometimes healing the wound is what finally gives the person enough distance from it to approach forgiveness from somewhere other than fear, anger, shame, or pain.

The decision still belongs to them.

Where EMDR Fits

There is already a much more detailed explanation of the EMDR process on our EMDR trauma therapy page, so I do not think another technical explanation is especially useful here.

The important part is fairly simple. EMDR works with the memory along with the emotions, physical sensations, and negative beliefs connected to it. As processing occurs, we look for the memory to become less disturbing and for a healthier, more accurate understanding to begin feeling true.

The goal is not positive thinking. It is not convincing someone that something bad was actually good. And it is not telling the patient what they should believe.

The goal is for the past to begin fitting where it actually belongs: in the past.

For patients looking for a more concentrated format, Meridian also offers EMDR intensives. Other people may benefit from standard trauma therapy, anxiety treatment, psychiatric care, or another approach depending on their history and needs.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can EMDR help change negative beliefs about myself?

It can help address negative beliefs that remain connected to traumatic experiences. Someone may intellectually know that an event was not their fault while still emotionally experiencing it was my fault as true. As the underlying memory is processed, that negative belief may lose some of its emotional strength and a more accurate belief may begin to feel more believable.

Will EMDR make me relive the trauma?

EMDR does require accessing the memory, including its images, emotions, and body sensations, so it is not painless. Distress can rise before it falls. However, processing happens in short sets with check-ins throughout, and preparation and stabilization come first so you have tools before processing begins.

Does EMDR remove negative emotions?

Not every negative emotion needs to disappear. Anger, sadness, grief, fear, and disappointment can all be appropriate responses to something that happened. The goal is not emotional numbness; it is reducing unresolved distress that continues interfering with the person's present life. If you are unsure where you stand, our free PTSD self-screening takes about two minutes.

Does EMDR make people forgive?

EMDR does not make that decision for you. What it can do is reduce the fear, anger, guilt, shame, and emotional pain surrounding a memory — and for many people, forgiveness becomes possible once that weight is lifted. Some choose it and find real relief. Others heal meaningfully without it. The decision stays yours.

Can faith be part of trauma therapy?

Yes. When religious or spiritual beliefs are important to a patient, they can be discussed and incorporated according to that person's wishes and treatment goals. Meridian Behavioral Health does not direct patients toward or away from a particular faith.

EMDR and Trauma Therapy in Las Vegas and Pahrump

Meridian Behavioral Health provides EMDR and trauma therapy in Las Vegas, trauma-focused therapy in Pahrump, Nevada, EMDR intensives, and telehealth for appropriate patients throughout Nevada.

• Fort Apache office: 5510 S Fort Apache Rd, Suite 27, Las Vegas, NV 89148
• Pahrump office: 1601 E Basin Ave, Ste 303, Pahrump, NV 89060
• Phone: (702) 604-2498

Trauma therapy is provided by Derek Wise, MA, LCPC, a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and EMDR-trained trauma therapist. Derek previously held the EMDR Certified Therapist designation from 2022 through 2024. His professional biography provides additional information about his training and clinical background.

Meridian also provides psychiatric evaluations and medication management through Amy Wise, CNP, PMHNP-BC, which allows psychotherapy and psychiatric treatment to be coordinated when a patient's needs involve both. We accept Nevada Medicaid, Medicare, Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield, Anthem Medicaid, Aetna, UnitedHealthcare, Optum, Molina Healthcare, SilverSummit Healthplan, CareSource, GEHA, and TRICARE.

If you are in crisis right now, please use our crisis resources or call 988. If you understand what happened intellectually but still feel as though some part of you is carrying it emotionally, that difference may be worth exploring. Call (702) 604-2498 to schedule an evaluation.

The goal is not to erase your history. It is to reach a place where your history no longer gets to decide what you believe about yourself.

References

• EMDR International Association (EMDRIA). About EMDR Therapy.
• U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, National Center for PTSD. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) for PTSD.
• National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
• American Psychiatric Association. What is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder?
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). Trauma and Violence.
• Pew Research Center (2025). Religious Landscape Study, 2023–24: Executive Summary.
• Pew Research Center (2025). Religious and Spiritual Beliefs.
• Scripture quotation from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.